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December 15, 2008

Is it alright to commit mistakes?

"Is it alright for people to commit mistakes?"
serious question asked by a nobody


Just this morning I woke up very badly, with a different mood and unusual aura and trying to put myself into the real me but I can't do it for no reason I guess. It was already 7:20 in the morning when I went to school and only have 10 minutes before the first bell ( I had my 1st class at 7:30 am). While walking through the what we call Alumni Walk, I saw a friend who was staying on a bench and I asked her,"Did the 2nd bell rang?". She said yes and I have no way to go into the subject. That was a crap! And then something went inside my mind, this was my first absent in a subject and I am not used to it, I feel like a lazy nobody who doesn't care about his life. Then I decided to go on an internet cafe just in front of the school. After some few minutes, a friend of mine who was my classmate on that subject too was late also. I received a message from my phone and I was him asking me if what were we doing inside the room and is our professor present this time? I told him that I was in the internet cafe just in front of the school then he went there.

After taking the lunch I had my 12:30pm class, my English 2. There was a discussion of the new lesson and there was a recitation. I recited but I had a wrong answer, I feel so stupid that time. Just a simple question I can't answer. What a s***! I feel like a failure person. Well, I just ignored it and continued the subject. Then I had my 1:30pm class which was RE112 (Religious Education) on the next building then I had no class. After the class I saw a friend who was just on the stairs, going down to go to the canteen. I came with them and had some chit chat with them. We talked about things and it came to the point that she told me something I really wanted to know. Just when I knew it, I really felt that I was the most stupid person who was called the "trying hard". And then, the first bell of 3:30pm rang they already had their classes and me, I went to an internet cafe to update my accounts and relax on playing some games.

Just after the relaxation, I went home with those foolish thoughts on my mind. I was confused and trying to empty my mind but I can't ignore it, it keeps getting worse and many ideas and thoughts were going inside my stupid mind. I hate my mind when it does like that.

When I went home, I felt like I wasn't home. I feel like I was still in the school , trying to close my mind to things that goes inside it. I feel like my head is bursting, then I went to sleep.

As I woke up, I had this bad dream. Well, the words were still on my mind but its not worst like a while ago. Speaking of it, the topic that my friend and I were talking about was about a comment or opinion about me. About how I act, speak and move, those were the stupid things they've been looking and talking about. The way I act, speak and move were all mistakes.

For me, that wasn't a mistake because this is me. Well, its the way they look at me and thats it. But then, hiding it or not sharing it to me was a mistake. I never realized that, that was me. Well, no one is perfect and I'm just human.


"Its not ok... I guess."

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General Santos City, Region XII, Philippines
23 year-old artist in my own way. Gradually searching for my purpose, my worth and my life.

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